


The saviour in need of saving

by Demonwolf1995



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abusive Dursley Family (Harry Potter), Abusive Vernon Dursley, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood and Injury, Child Abuse, Depressed Harry, Depressed Harry Potter, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Morally Grey Harry Potter, Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter), Physical Abuse, References to Depression, Sad Harry, Sad Harry Potter, Self-Hatred, Severus Snape Redemption, Suicidal Harry, Suicidal Harry Potter, Suicidal Thoughts, Verbal Abuse, Violence, i think, im bad at writting so prob not lmao, kina - Freeform, okay yea more then kinda
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-19 08:39:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29747862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Demonwolf1995/pseuds/Demonwolf1995
Summary: One-shot scenarioAfter not hearing from Harry for a long while, the order started to get worried. A few of the members left to go check up on him, but never could they imagine what they would come across.WARNINGS-Abuse (terribly written)-Mentions of self-harm scars, depression symptoms?, lowkey suicidal thoughts+ Alternative ending
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, only mentioned like 2-3 times its not actually a active ship for this oneshot
Comments: 9
Kudos: 48





	The saviour in need of saving

Harry was scared. Even more so than the whole defeating Voldemort and near death situations he has yearly.

He knew he shouldn't be scared for so many reasons, the main one being he's used to it. For as long as he can remember this has been his life. Being hurt, beaten, starved, abused and neglected by the dursleys, being locked up in a cupboard only to come out and be a slave. Every step he took as he walked home became heavier and harder to take. It filled him with dread and uneasiness, a feeling he hasn't felt much since last summer. Yet for some reason this time around it simply devoured him. Clouded his mind and made him tremble right down to the bone. He tried his best to keep his balance and to keep walking before it got too late. He wouldn't want that, no not at all. Especially not today, the day he came back. Luckily he shrank his things down to fit into his pocket which helped with his balance. Closing his eyes for a few seconds Harry took in a big breath, exhaling shakily. Harry could feel it. Harry knew that something was going to happen this summer, his magic could feel it. Something of malice. Far worse than any dark lord can do. A day with the dark lord would be a walk in the park against what is to come. 

Scowling Harry felt weak knowing he could do nothing about it, though the scowl quickly turned into a frown. He knew he was weak. Down to his soul. He’s too weak to even protect his friends, they're always getting hurt because of him. He’s too weak to think in school, to pay attention in class over his own mind, to keep up everyone's expectations as the boy-who-lived and even as a decent student. Too weak to even gain the courage his half gryffindor self was supposed to have and tell someone about his pain. So many times he has tried going to Dumbledore, Professor Mcgonagall and even his friends yet he can't bring himself to do it. He can't say if it's completely out of fear of his relatives or for himself. Afterall who would react to the mighty boy-who-lived being so weak and pathetic to be abused by his ‘’relatives.’’ He doubts anyone would believe him anyway. Mentally harry would love to blame his self hate on it being drilled into his head the second he was taken in but he knew he couldn't be that selfish. It was obviously his fault. He hated himself in every shape and form. He was a pathetic, weak little freak, he’s surprised people can even look at him without even being repulsed. It's obvious no one actually cares for him, he doesn't blame them though. How could he? He doesn't deserve any love, family, friends. Never did he deserve happiness.

At first he had fought back against the beatings and the abuse, taking care of himself when he could and not believing their words but it slowly turned into him simply not caring about himself or anything. He had just kept quiet and took it knowing he couldn't do anything, he had lost his hope. In the end that led him to believe every insult they spewed at him, that he deserved every single beating he got, every slap, every whip, scar, wound. He deserved to starve and make his body go through hell. To be stuffed in a small cupboard he did not fit in, to not have a family and to be forever alone. It's what he believed to be an adequate punishment for living. Harry Potter, the boy-who-lived truly believed himself to be a freakish burden that should have died that fateful night.

Unfortunately Harry had not arrived on time for dinner. Not only was it a good two-hour walk home but his poor frail body was in no shape to be walking let alone be quick about it. It had been around ten o’clock when Harry had arrived home. A time where everyone would be getting ready for bed, if not already asleep. Cautiously Harry enters through the front door as quietly as he can, making sure he doesn't make a sound. He takes a quick look around. Seeing no one he quickly starts closing and locking the door behind him but before he could turn around his head was smashed into the door. Harry yelped out in surprise followed by a hiss of pain. He didn't need to see who it was to know that it was his uncle by his harsh grip and due to the fact he could hold Harry's whole head in his hands as easily as a tennis ball.

‘’Where the hell have you been you freak!!’’ Uncle Vernon sneered.

‘’Sor-’’ He was cut off as his head was repeatedly smashed against the door again. He could feel the blood start to drip and a migraine come on

‘’Since your worthless self couldn't do one simple thing right we had to make dinner ourselves. Not only that, you missed all of your daily chores boy! We do everything for you and this is how you repay us?!’’ By now uncle Vernon had forced Harry to look at him so Harry could see how red and angry he looked. His pudgy neck was as red as his face was. Eyes filled with rage and loathing. Harry immediately looked down to his shoes, scared and hands instinctively flying up to wrap around his torso. 

Angered by the lack of response Uncle Vernon seethed as he threw Harry against the wall head first. He took no hesitation in beating Harry as he slumped to the floor. A kick to the face sent Harry's glasses off his face. A second followed by a third had tears streaming down Harry's face. He could feel a tooth out of place and the taste of warm sulfuric filling his mouth. He swears he could feel a weird discomfort in his jaw but he can't tell nor does he have the time to think before his uncle is yelling again.

‘’Answer me boy! Or do you want another collection?’’ He smiled maliciously.

Harry's eyes widened as his throat constricted at the mention of more collections. He had enough all over his body. His heart raced at the mere thought of them.

‘’P-please no, i’ll be good I swear!’’ He pleaded, throwing his hands up to now cover his face as he sinks into the wall as much as he can. Blood dribbling down his chin onto the floor he’s sure he’s going to be forced to clean up later.

‘’You better be or next time I’ll give you the worst beating ever and leave you for dead you hear me! Just like you should have been years ago. No scraps for a while, worthless freak.’’

A cry of pain emitted from harry’s throat when a kick was landed dead center of his chest

‘’Shut the fuck up and be quiet’’ Uncle Vernon warned before he kept bringing the blown down on harry. At every impact, Harry couldn't help but whimper. He knew he would have massive bruises. Not wanting more but also not caring he let his arms sink to his sides as he felt the blows. As per usual Harry began to block everything out around him, as if he entered a headspace away from reality. Something Harry has long been doing during his beatings over the years. No doubt a safe haven from the insanity he developed from the trauma he’s endured and possibly something his magic helped with. His magic's last and only way to help him since the beatings are too much to heal with his deathly weakened state.

The siren pace was disturbed by one specific kick and a crack. He bit down on his tongue to hold back a cry of pain. The next few breaths were ragged and hurt so much. Fortunately, that seemed to satisfy Uncle Vernon so he ended the beating by dragging Harry and throwing him into his cupboard not forgetting to tell him how much of a burden he is.

Harry scrunched his face up in pain and he clutched his chest. Every breath he took felt like a stabbing pain he can say he’s experienced so many times before. He wanted to cry out so bad but he knew better. Not only will it get him an even worse beating, it's not going to help him in the end, it was useless. 

_I deserve it anyways_

At this point he didn't have to remind himself, his brain did that all by itself, already believed and imprinted into his mind.

Wincing uncomfortably, his jaw and entire midsection was burning and throbbing. Harry knew he was going to regret it but he did it anyway. He opened his mouth only to quickly close it with a groan when he felt pain flare up. Feeling the way it had moved, it's obvious that his jaw was broken or at the very least dislodged. With a quick yet gentle wipe of his chin with his sleeve to wipe up the blood. Harry crawled over, with great difficulty, shaking and almost falling to the floor from being so weak, to the small mattress he was forced to call a bed. Letting out a small shaky breath he laid down on his back as to not worsen his injuries any further. 

Tears were long dried on his cheeks, no more would come for a while. He has long been numb. This got a little pain filled chuckle out of Harry _To think i actually cared. That I used to pray and hope every second into a peaceful night I got to be saved, to be free, to be happy. To at least spend one day not in pain_ From the moment Harry was put on those animals steps, hell was a daily thing for him. It's all he's ever known. If it wasn't physical pain, it was mental.

 _I just can't bloody escape can I?_ His heart wrenched at this thought. 

The rest of the night was full of self deprecating thoughts from the small broken and bruised boy in the cupboard under the stairs. 

Weeks pass by at worrying speed for harry. His mind is clouded, all mushed and unfocused. Everything is a blur to him, he can't seem to focus back into life. Remembering any thought action was harder than anything before. Harry is barely aware, mind, body seemed to be someplace else. Away from the pain and suffering. _Who knows, it's probably a good thing_ was the only brief but conscious thought he’s had in a while.

His body was dying, he knew that much. The beatings have increased so much and with the starvation, it was so much worse. Out of the month there, he was given a total 2 pieces of bread and if he was lucky a glass of water weakly. His magic being his only saving grace. Though he's inclined to think differently.

 _Stupid magic, just let me die already **please**_ he found himself begging for the uptenth time. It was pure agony. Being forced to stay alive while your body is dying, shutting down day by day. To live through the daily beatings, the starvation, to live. Surprising Harry, anger was one of the only things he knew for the past month. He's felt it all his life to a point, it was always under constant walls, washed out from his constant state of either numbness or misery. But now it's tripled and the only thing he can feel from anything in his hazy conscience. Anger at how his uncle treats him, anger from all the shit thrown at him daily from his aunt and Dudley for all of his life. Anger at himself for being such a fool and for bringing such a worthless freak, angry he wouldn't be able to ever feel love and comfort. People of the wizarding world be damned, he wasn't going to save them, why should he? What more is how could he, he's weak and probably won't be alive for much longer. That wasn't even all, he was a child! A child with little to no knowledge of magic so why couldn't every other adult with magic defeat Voldermort? The aurors train for this exact stuff but yet they do nothing, they would certainly win if they ganged together but no, they left it all on a clueless child. He needed to be saved too, why didn't anyone save him? One would think that they would check up on their so-called ’’saviour’’ make sure he's okay and safe, train and help him for the war but what did he get? Absolutely nothing. Left in the dark about his wizarding powers for years, his heritage and family, his culture, everything! He was even kept in the dark by Dumbledore and so many others about Voldemort and what's expected of him. He's being used, he knows it, Dumbledore probably has some huge plan to use him and sacrifice him to the dark side to save the light side. Good side my ass Harry bitterly thought, he's more inclined to actually believe that the dark side has better morals. At least there Voldemort doesn't use children for his own benefits and tells his followers and slaves his intentions towards them while using them without lying. Why can't I just be neutral, he thought. It's been almost 3 years since Harry discovered his hatred for the light side, the whole prophecy bullshit and went neutral. Ever since the ending of his first year. Of course, he has to hide it with him being the light golden boy. He doesn't want to fight, doesn't want to be involved in the war, he's had enough of war and fighting in his life already.

Skin was now violently white, both due to lack of blood from beatings and organ failure but lack of nutrients and sleep. Cheeks were sunken in along with his eyes. Deep tremors now laid within his body for weeks now, making chores so much harder as well as the beatings. Pain was always something he felt, constantly throbbing all over, especially his head and stomach. Multiple bones were broken if not shattered. Some way more obvious due to the disinformation of limbs and protruding bones in other areas. His once sharp green avada eyes reduced to nothing more than dull lifeless eyes. Black now surrounded his sunken eyes. One would think he was a bird with how deathly skinny his legs and arms were. Not to mention the worse part, his torso. Throughout Harry's life, people were always able to see his ribs poking out yet now that wasn't the only thing. If one looks closer, you can see the outlines of his failing organs along with his muscles and tendons with every move. Bruises and wounds littered across his whole body. Like a garden showing off many types of plants and flowers it holds. The majority of the gashes were still dribbling fresh blood. A walking corpse was what he was, no doubt he could just pose as an inferi at this point. _Wouldn't that be just dandy_ he thought. To just leave and not be disturbed anymore. Maybe he’d even fit in a lot more with them.

His relatives eventually became fed up with his trembling form, unable to walk, do chores or even seem to respond to them without that distant look in his eyes. Graced with his small dark cupboard is where he now spent his days as well as nights. The darkness did not help at all with his disoriented mind but did provide comfort for the boy. 

Who knows how long it's been but his magic thrummed today, the feeling of unease he once felt at the beginning of summer came back tenfold. Of course the dull throb in some areas and in some others sharp pain accompanied him when he woke as well. It would be a lie if he said he wasn't scared for what's about to happen. He doesn't have much to lose and he knows there's nothing he cares for at this point. The only exception was his need to die so what could make him so uneasy? His magic certainly seemed to think whatever was coming is a bad thing. 

_Well i'll just have to see and find out. Maybe it's a surprise visit from Life itself saying im to stay alive and suffer until I defeat Voldemort_ Now that wasn't a good thought. 

Not long into his questioning, he faintly hears the usual footsteps coming down the stairs. His ears have been ringing for days now, all sound is muddled to him. First Petunia, assumingly to make breakfast since their pathetic nephew couldn't even do that for them. Not long after to come down the stairs was Dudley to watch his morning cartoons as per routine. Last was Vernon, easy to tell from the giant noise his footsteps make and the smell of food in the air indicating that breakfast was ready to be served to him.

Harry distantly hears the scrapes of utensils across the plates and chatter from outside his cupboard but he doesn't care. He’s just so tired. He wants to sleep so badly but he can't. Especially not with his magic pulsing with every passing second. _Were my injuries numbing up?_ Time passes by without any reaction from Harry. He doesn't know how long passes until he sees the crack of light enter his cupboard and his magic giving one last flare before he's being pulled out by the gruff of his neck. Mistakenly he hisses at the sudden light, being in the dark for weeks made it a lot worse. Harry was quickly slammed against a wall with a knee jabbing into his gut knocking the wind out of him and no doubt squishing some of his dying organs. He quietly yelps out, eyes squinting close and face scrunching up in pain.

‘’THAT'S IT!! WE’VE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH YOU BOY!!’’ Uncle Vernon seethed out, gripping Harry's hair and yanking it up. Harry kept his gaze downwards, not daring nor caring. Too tired, too much pain, too weak so he just lay there limp, unmoving. No doubt that made uncle Vernon even angrier at the disobedient runt, although he did feel a deep sense of pride at seeing how broken the boy has become under his care. 

‘’YOU PATHETIC, WORTHLESS FREAK!’’ A harsh slap was delivered to Harry’s face. He just took it, continued being limp.

‘’We did everything for you boy, but you just sully this house and our name. So weak, you can't even do what you're made for, a punching bag and a slave. We have no use for you anymore if you can't even earn your keep’’ A punch hit Harry square in the nose. Blood started to pour down his nose, his head dizzy. 

‘’You're a freak even in your freakish world. All your little friends don't care for you, that blasted bird hasn't come back has it? All alone, you mean nothing to everybody. It's what a stupid freak like you deserves’’ With that Uncle Vernon let go of his hair to be followed up by hard blunt kicks to the boy's body. The first few were to his sides, his hip bones and ribs taking the first of the trauma. He couldn't help a hitched breath that escaped when his broken ribs and other bones moved. He could feel them scrapping the outside of his lungs every ragged breath he took. It hurt, it hurt a lot. After a few more kicks he had already swayed off against the floor on his side, tensing up at the pain that flared through him as he hit the floor. _Fuck!_ He internally cursed. 

Uncle Vernon took no break as more blows came crashing upon his frail body. Each blow hit a different part of his chest for maximum effort, that or it was his uncle's lack of stamina from staying upright while beating him, he didn't know. Uncle Vernon's pudgy face was getting all red and sweaty but he did not stop. He was relentless, it didn't help that with every kick Harry was also kicked up against the wall. It was all too much, he wanted it to stop, for it to be over with. He wanted to cry, to scream but at the same time, he just wanted to sit still and not move, to forever be quiet. He didn't think he'd be able to cry anyways, it's been too long, too long since he felt something other than pain so he's confused as to why he suddenly feels this. Sadly it wasn't his first time pushed to his limits.

‘’It's no wonder your pathetic parents up and killed themselves, who would want a burden like you’’ was said with complete and utter malice that Harry couldn't help but whimper out loud. What followed was a sob like sound, the utter relief that he felt with that sob was so good he couldn't help but instinctively cry out a second time. His hand quickly slapped over his mouth as his eyes widened in horror. 

‘’WHO TOLD YOU THAT YOU COULD MAKE NOISE’’

 _No no nonononon_ He violently shook his head, looking up at his uncle, silently pleading. Heart pounding in his ears, he felt so hot but so cold. his stomach knotting up. _**Please**_ he pleaded utterly petrified for some reason. He didn't care at the beginning, he hasn't cared for a while so why now, why did he now suddenly feel so _scared._

‘’ DON'T LOOK AT ME YOU PIECE OF SHIT’’ Uncle Vernon spat out, disgusted. While he shook with anger, Harry shook with fear. The first signs of movement he's made in weeks. Trying to scramble back, he wasn't surprised to find that he couldn't but still felt devastated and cornered. The second his brain sent a command to his muscles to move, pure agony was shot right back.

A hiss escaped his lips when he was dragged by his hair away from the wall but shut up when he felt a harsh kick to his shoulder as it pinned him to the floor. It hadn't lasted long for the next thing he felt was the sole of Vernon shoes on his throat. Surprising himself with his quidditch/trauma reflexes, he instinctively threw his hands up to grab whatever was pressing at his throat. Mistake on his part though for the second he did, the foot pressed down. A choked breath was all that was heard as more and more pressure was pushing down on his throat. Too weak, all Harry could do was roll his eyes in the back of his head, desperately trying to squirm free. His throat closed up fast, it hurt, on the outside too. Uncle Vernon just smiled down at the boy.

A good minute, maybe two of struggling to breathe passed by. Harry started to feel more pressure wellup in his head, up into his ears as well. The tingling in his body didn't take long to start, it felt dare he say...good. The tingling or numbness and fuzziness he felt flowing through him covered his pain like a blanket. His brain goes numb into calmness, his body going limp. Contradicting the feeling of bliss was the burning of his lungs who were in dire need of air and the pressure in his head that started hurting. Sluggishly blinking, he realized that his vision was blurring and his head started to spin. 

_T-This is nice..._

Content, he felt at peace as he drifted off, head lolling off to the side.

Uncle Vernon's foot quickly lifted off of Harry’s throat, his body jolting up as it immediately sucked in air, sputtering out hoarse coughs and gasps. Tears welled up in his eyes at the burning in his throat as he tried controlling his breathing again while his hands caressed his neck. 

‘’WAKE UP BOY!’’ His uncle demanded 

Harry couldn't quite hear him, the buzzing in his ears was too loud, head too foggy to comprehend anything but getting air into his body. The quick jab to the side of his head certainly didn't help. ‘’Stupid piece of garbage.’’ Uncle Vernon muttered as he sent 2 stronger kicks into Harry's chest hoping to get the boy to pay attention. No other outward sound was made but a sharp echo of something did shoot up in Harry's mind. White hot searing pain hit him harder than a truck making him choke out a loud, raspy sob. His body curled up in a fetus position with hands clutched to his chest when he felt it. His rib punctured through something, what he did not know but all he did know was that it hurt and it wasn't going to end well. Tears now freely streamed down his face with little hiccups here and there. His chest felt like pure agony, burning and stabbing pain mixed in together eating at him from the inside. He wanted to claw at his chest, to make the pain stop but he was so weak, he could barely keep his shaking hand gripped on his shirt. In a haze, he was only briefly aware of the hand that gripped at his clenched hand before a foot was brought down on it. Harry screamed out as he felt his hand being crushed up, feeling the bones break under his uncle's foot. His fingers felt like they were being squished flat with pieces of glass. 

The only sounds in the room were uncle Vernon's heavy panting with Harry's cries of pain. He just sat there shaking looking ahead as he laid on the floor. Every involuntary shake had him crying out in pain from the movement. His lungs felt so small and empty, suffocating. Every small breath he took wasn't enough. His chest slowly moved up and down so he knew he was breathing but it was no use.

 _Fuck my ribs must have punctured my lungs, Oh merlin it hurts so much, please just make it stop, anything please. I don't want to hurt anymore._ He sobbed out his one and only wish, praying for it to be granted. It's the only thing he’s ever wanted, the one thing his soul longed for. All those years of despair and life shattering moments all cried out for his soul to be at peace once more. A startled cry escaped his lips when he felt yet another kick to the chest. A fit of painful coughs ripped through his chest. He tried holding them back because they hurt so much but he couldn't control them. The familiar taste of warm metallic blood coated his mouth and throat once more. Opening his eyes, he saw that the blood wasn't just in his mouth anymore but pooled onto the floor. He coughed up blood, he coughed up blood. To fixate on this new information and pain filled haze, he couldn't piece together anything so he just stared blankly at the pool of blood in front of his mouth. Limp once more, he sat there unmoving when his uncle took his right shoulder to the floor, rolling him on his stomach. Ignoring the flare of pain at the movement.

‘’It's all your fault you freak, you deserve to be beat every second of your pitiful life. It's because you're such a freak, a heavy burden, a good for nothing useless boy. Such a disgrace to your family. No wonder everybody hates you, it's all your fault. It's your fault for being such an abomination. The world would be better with you dead’’ Were the last words he would ever hear again as his uncle took a great big stomp down into his mid back. A flicker of intense pain shot through him before it disappeared followed by another rapid flare of pain when the second stomp came, though much higher up in his back this time. He was quickly grabbed by the scruff of his neck yet he didn't realize until he physically saw that he was moving before he was shoved back into his cupboard. Not a second later his cupboard door shut closed and he was sat in darkness once again. 

Sprawled out on the floor, all bloody and bruised beyond repair and close to no recognition, Harry sat there in silence with his ears buzzing a static yet dull buzz. His head felt heavy with all the blood flow pounding inside his head. He felt faint and tired but no pain. Took him a minute to really digest that information.

 _Why the bloody fuck can’t I feel any pain? Did my magic just suddenly help or did I somehow get a boost of magic?_ Starting to get a little panicky he went to go try and move up onto his elbows or just crawl over to his old raggedy, yet also bloody and moldy bundle of mattress but froze when he couldn’t move. Immediately his face paled even more, he felt pure terror swarm him at the realization. Panicking he tries moving, anything even just a twitch, _Nonono this can't be happening why can't I move, i'm scared, what's happening, someone please help me_ he sobs. Being utterly alone makes his fear skyrocket. He tries to open his mouth, to scream, to plea out, call for help, anything. He's too scared to even care about the Dursleys anymore he just needed to move. Concentrating, Harry tries to move, to feel out his limbs but turns up empty. He snaps his eyes open as he realizes that he can’t feel anything, his limbs, his fingers and toes, his chest moving up and down, Was it moving up and down even? _I'm still alive so I guess so but it feels rough and gurgly inside every once in a while._

 _Oh_ Realisation dawned uponed him. _It's my breaths, I'm not breathing very much am I?_ For such a bad thing, it seemingly wasn't much of a concern for him. No emotion nor any care could be felt. All he knew was that he couldn't move, probably wasn't going to live much longer, unless a miracle happened, and that he could blink so that's what he did. For a few moments as tears unconsciously streamed down his face, processing the information he sat there, unmoving, staring off to the side of his cupboard. His head was tilted to the side, cheeks pressed against the floor in a sprawled out position. Too much has happened, too much trauma for him to be coherent, to think, to feel. The starvation, being locked in a small black cupboard for god knows how long, his body shutting down from dying and the constant beatings on top of his depression. He's never been so glad to have sent Hedwig off 2 days ago to send his weekly letter to the order. 

Sat in silence, enveloped in darkness Harry began to come to terms with his fate. He couldn't say he didn't like it, he’s wanted to die for a long time now, too long to even remember, making these thoughts of death a normal every day thought throughout his childhood into his teenage years. At the beginning, he had thoughts of longing, of peace, of friends, a new home and even for someone to whisk him away too. Therefore the day he got his hogwarts letter, the day he has long wished for finally came and saved him. Hope blossomed in his chest, so much joy it squeezed his heart, not being able to hide a small smile that played on his lips during his month-long wait. Sure the beatings got worse whenever his relatives saw him happy but to him, he didn't care, it was worth it. Worth every second of pain for he was finally going to be free, to live and maybe even have friends. Hopes and dreams don't last long in his life. His first year, as amazing as it was, slowly became a drag and couldn’t keep him happy anymore. His distraction and momentary happiness gone, he slumped back into his aggravating life. The fame, the stares, the rumours, the bullies, the comments and expectations and the time he almost got his friends killed. Hogwarts stopped being anything good after that. Never as bad as the Dursleys but it was on the same track, coming in at a third place, right behind his own mind. With that on top of things, his health and despair got worse. 

So when Harry realized that he was dying, it brought back a foreign tinge of happiness after so many years. If it wasn't for being paralyzed, he could break down in tears again with the mere thought that he was allowed to have his first ever wish granted. Long ago he knew he'd find peace and happiness in death. In this moment he thanked death with all of his soul, one that would soon be claimed by he himself. To experience for his first and last time in his life, a painless few moments. His heartbeat slowed, breaths shortening every second as his brain slowly shut down. Ready to finally rest. He was content.

As Harry Potter took his last breath, his heart beating its last beat, a twitch of his lips quirked upwards ever so slightly, only enough to be seen by death. Death's skeletal hand brushed across the boy's cheek in a gesture of comfort as he let a single tear fall for the boy.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The order of the phoenix was calm, as calm as can be for being the leaders of light in the wizarding war. Hence, everyone focused on their jobs and missions for the war, that is except for 2 people, Sirius and Remus. They were restless, a deep itch inside kept them worried and anxious. At first, they couldn't figure it out no matter how hard they tried, they both talked about it but nothing. So during the week, the pacing, fluttering of stomachs and restless nights grew with each night. It wasn't until the day after Harry’s weekly letter that was supposed to come Sunday, the day before that they put the pieces together. They were worried about their pup, something was wrong and that terrified them. More so that they couldn't even go check up on him or help him in his time of need. He was alone, a feeling they were both all too familiar with, a feeling they wouldn't wish on anyone, especially a mere child with the weight of the world on him. It irked them that no one else seemed to care or notice! Sure they had a war to deal with but this was about the health of a child, a family member and for Dumbledore, his martyr. 

Three days after the letter was supposed to arrive, making it Wednesday, had them on edge so they called a meeting. The order consisted of both Sirius and Remus themselves, Dumbledoor, Snape, Molly, Auror Tonks and Shackbolt, Arthur, and Mcgonagall who was currently at Hogwarts. Everyone was around the table save for Snape, who was in the corner leaning against the wall arms folded in front of him.

‘’Albus enough is enough. Harry’s letter is late, 3 days late at that. He's never once been late, something has happened to him. We need to go check on him right now’’ Sirius put bluntly, fed up with no one mentioning anything.

‘’Sirius, my boy, I'm sure it's nothing to worry about. Harry must be caught up with summer assignments or having fun. He is a kid after all, i'm sure he’ll send it as soon as he can. Could also be some traffic up in the skies for the delivery owls...’’ Albus pondered at that thought while stroking his beard. That set Sirius and Remus off. More so then they liked to admit, they've seen the state their cub was in ever since Sirius got out of azkaban and Remus a teaching position. His skin and bones, too much for it to be mere fast metabolism or natural skinniness. Not only the side effect from that but his behaviour as well, it's not right. If he's having fun then why would he be in that state or if he's doing assignments then why were they never completed when school started again?

‘’ALBUS ARE YOU SERIOUS!? The weekly letters were set up for this purpose! If a letter wasn't delivered on time then we would check on him because it meant something was wrong, he was in a situation where he couldn't send an owl. There are only a few scenarios and that's death or death eaters! As you've seemed to completely ignore, Harry has never missed a delivery date before, all summer, every summer for the past 2 years. He would never forget something as important as this’’ Remus growls as he smashes his hands down on the table. A deep bang resonating in the room.

‘’ Calm down, the both of you!’’ Molly demands. ‘’ We will have a civil conversation without any yelling or violence, that won't get us anywhere.’’ she finishes as she stares the couple down, daring them to go against her. A flash of teeth in a small snarl from Sirius was the only reaction.

‘’You fools, the attention seeking brat is perfectly fine. He’s obviously doing this on purpose to get attention. Even if the brat wasn't, that arrogant boy should know better than to forget something so important. The boy needs a good disciplining’’ Snape drawled out with every hint of disdain in his voice.

Sirius whipped his head to look at Snape so fast, it's a miracle he didn't get whiplash. A sharp, hatred filled glare was sent too from Remus whose eyes glowed a faint gold indicating his wolf wasn't happy either. Sirius was about to attack full force before Snape was fortunately saved from a harsh beating when Shackbolt spoke up. 

‘’I'm inclined to agree with Heir Black here. Why have the safety system if we're not going to act on it. Mr.Potter is not only very valuable to the wizarding world for this war, but he is a child who is most likely in need of help. We can't just let that go, as an Auror it is my duty to protect those who need it’’ His tone left nothing up for discussion. He had a duty to do and if these people aren't going to do their jobs, he would. 

Tonks nodded her head in agreeance, hair changing to a lighter pink indicating her now growing worry and fondness for the boy. A nod was also given by Arthur. 

‘’Thank you! It looks like some people have common sense here after all’’ Sirius muttered under his breath.

Snape scoffed out loud, showing his displeasure at the whole situation. ‘’You all realize that if we go to the brat it will feed his already growing ego? His ignorance and presence is bad enough’’ Snape scowled out. He was not going to believe that the boy was in any danger. How he had everyone under his thumb he did not know but it irritated the potion master to no end. It seemed like he was the only one who could see the boy for who he really was.

It was now Remuses turn to voice his displeasure once again. ‘’ What ego? He certainly doesn't have one from all the shit he’s been through so are we talking about yours? You seem to mock Harry for things you clearly have, not him. You say that as if anyone else in the world enjoys your presence. All you do is shun others and belittle them for nothing. And towards harry? For your own hatred against his father and us, people he is NOT! Open your dense fucking eyes you bastard, get over yourself for once and see the truth. He's no bully Snape, no matter what you think. He doesn't start fights without good reason, Merlin he's probably only ever started one with Malfoy because he was the one bullying harry. Not to mention your precious godson was the one who was making fun of the love of YOUR life Lily so forgive harry for defending his parents. I agree James and us were shit to you, no amount of sorry’s will make up for that but he doesn't know that. The fights always go to him without him initiating it. He can't even defend himself without you or anyone calling him out on it. Yes, he may be impulsive and not think before he acts but he always does it for the good of everyone. To protect the ones he loves and save everyone he can so no, he is not ignorant. Actually, it seems like everyone else here except for me Siri and I are the ignorant ones.’’ 

He was mad. How dare someone say that about Harry, his cub. No one deserves that treatment especially with what Harry has been through. To be forced to feel like they have no right to defend themselves or be sacred to do anything in fear of being yelled at. Knowing it's wrong but not being able to do anything about it. Making him feel worthless? It was appalling.

During the middle of Remuses rant, Snape was seething. How dare he be compared to that no good brat. His stance swiftly changed to an offensive position, hand on his wand drawing it out, feet apart and standing tall, no longer leaning against the wall. His magic was definitely swarming around him now, no longer contained. Remus had a similar stance but his knees were slightly bent with him hunched over a tad bit. His hands were out as if ready to pounce and claw him instead of going for his wand. A staredown between him and the gold eye werewolf had them both growling and snarling, waiting for one to make the first move. Snape was about to attack until dumbledore yelled out both their names with magic lacing his voice, snapping them out of their daze.

Sirius was now beside Remus rubbing his back to try and calm his partner down but also showing his support. Snape still stood in the same position but his magic was now reeled in again and his hand slightly lowered, wand still in hand. Everyone was tense from the small showdown but no one dared to say anything. All curious and mulling over what the werewolf said.

‘’Remus my boy, what do you mean when you said that were the ignorant ones?’’ Dumbledore questions gently, somehow not affected by the tension in the room or the small fight that just happened in front of him. A quick look to Sirius gave him a nod of affirmation.

‘’It's pretty obvious if you look for the signs. There's something going on with Harry and his home life. The dursleys are NOT the best of people, especially towards wizards so what do you think they would do when a baby wizard was dropped at their doorstep to raise? They abuse him Albus!’’

A few gasps were heard around the room. A scoff with an eye roll from Snape but everyone else had worry in their eyes. Echoes of ‘’What?!’’ ‘’Are you sure?’’ and ‘’How do you know?’’ were all voiced out loud around the table. 

‘’Of course we're sure! We wouldn't dare take the matter of abuse lightly unless we were sure or of course, concerned for someone's health. Have none of you seen how _skinny_ he is? Pure skin and bones! Especially when he comes back from summer break and even by the end of the year he’s no better. In no way is that from fast metabolism or natural skinniness. He barely even eats when you sneak glances at him when he doesn't think anyone is looking. His clothes are another thing, they are filthy rags! For one he doesn't even know he has any vaults nor how to work them let alone access them so he cant get new ones. If he was with loving people he should have good clothes right? And a wide variety but he has next to nothing. His robes, some boxers, and maybe a few shirts and a pair of pants or 2 are all he has. His trunk is always empty, he has nothing, no toys or trinkets other than the album we gave him.’’ 

Sirius took a minute to really think and brace himself to not break down. He took a deep breath and started again. ‘’What's scary is his behaviour, he hides it well but not to someone who knows what to look for. Skidiness, shyness, flinching from any sudden noise or movements, lack of eye contact with others, especially adults, everything! Do you know how many times he called me sir or asked me permission for the simplest of things? Merlin he asked me if he was allowed to get himself some food on multiple occasions. He’s so hesitant as if he's expected to be hit or yelled at. I can see it in his eyes but he's always analyzing everything around him to see how he needs to act to lessen punishment or when to expect pain. I know that because I had to do it in my childhood against my mother. Assess my mother's mood to see how I need to act to avoid getting hurt and such. I know you had to do that too Snape. What's more, is that he does all the work by himself and always does what he's asked no matter what. Now that would not be unusual but it's as if it's a reflex by now, something that only comes from having it forced into your mind from a young age and nothing good happens if failed. Harry seems to think that even the smallest acts of basic human kindness towards him are a great surprise like he's not worth the smallest bit of humanity. I’d say good morning or ask if he needs any help and he looks like he'll break down from either happiness or because he doesn't think he deserves anything good.’’ Solemness was heavy in his voice when he finished. He clenched his fists against the table as he felt his eyes watering up, mourning the pain of his precious godson. 

‘’I-i've smelt blood on him multiple times. It's always heavier when he comes back from the Dursleys and lasts for months. I actually don't recall there ever being a day where I didn't smell even the faintest scent of blood on him. His heartbeat is always racing, especially in times like Sirius said, so when there's sudden movements or even just being near adults, sometimes kids. When he's asking a question or even when he's being talked to. It hurts me so fucking much knowing that he was in pain but I didn't quite understand at the time. It kills me that he’s worse weeks before the summer break.’’ Remus cuts in with new information also on the cusps of a breakdown. 

Another round of shocks went through the group. Molly and Arthur felt a stab to their hearts, they felt as if Harry is their own son and part of their family so hearing that their all but blood son has gone through all of that without their realization is heartbreaking. Shackbbolt and Tonks sucked in their breaths at hearing this case of abuse, a case against a magical child no less. Dumbledore finally seemed to understand the severity of the situation based on his creased eyebrows and frown etched on his face. Surprisingly even Snape had to take a double take. Of course, nothing showed on his face, his mask and occlumency shields were fully up but he definitely had stopped for a second to really listen to what Black and Lupin had said. As a heavily abused child himself, he just had to relook into his memories about the boy no matter how much he seemed to hate the boy. 

During the silence, save for some shocked sobs from molly and heavy breathing from the wolfstar couple, Snape definitely started being displeased with himself with every passing second. Not because of how he acted but because he hated to admit that the dog and wolf were right. Logically his brain filed that the boy was not at all how he thought, no bullying or arrogance, no brattiness, ignorance or disrespect ever came from the boy. But emotionally he still couldn't help but hate the kid to a certain extent. No one could blame him, finding out you're wrong after so many years of forcing yourself and believing something is not easily overcome so fast. That being said he does now care for the boy in a way he does some of his snakes as a poor abused kid who had to suffer all alone. A kid who didn't deserve the abuse and shit life. Something seemed to click in Snape’s mind as he thought of the boy and his school work. The horrid chicken scratches he calls writing and his performance in his class seemed to come together. The abuse must have damaged the motor and nervous system in his hands, making it harder for him to use his fingers and hands in such a way like chopping and cutting ingredients or holding something. A short and small wave of guilt flooded him at the thought, how unfair he was to the boy over things he couldn't help. Merlin, Harry probably put him on par with his family with the verbal abuse he’s lashed out towards the boy. No wonder the boy was so scared and hated him. Hot anger quickly replaced that guilt towards himself. He's a stern and cold man by nature but to be so blind by his hate to become an abuser like his father? He wanted to puke.

‘’That solves it, we're going to go check on harry’’ Tonks finally declared

‘’I believe you are right my dear, I am deeply sorry Sirius and Remus for pushing off your concerns, I truly believe you may be right about Harry being in trouble now’’ Dumbledore apologized, guilty thinking how he pushed away concerns towards the boy. It wasn't until now that everyone in the room except for Wolfstar actually took in what was said, coming up with possibilities of what could have happened to Harry now that they knew the truth. Fear coursed through everyone, even Snape.

‘’Sirius and I are 100% going along with Harry, I say we bring Shackbolt or Tonks for proof or in case it somehow is Voldemort’s work and Snape, he’s the best healer there is after Poppy and I know Harry is in need of medical assistance. Anyone against it?’’ Remus asks, making sure to intertwin his hand with Sirius’s knowing he doesn't like Snape but he knows he won't complain when it comes to Harry’s health. ‘’I’ll go’’ Shacklebolt volunteers. Nothing more is said so the 4 head off to number 4 Privet drive to save their Harry.

The four men appeared on the lawn in front of the house. Remus immediately tensed up the second he sniffed. A small whimper left him making everyone snap their gaze to him. Remus’s face definitely showed the wrongness he was feeling when he looked at the others. Snape sent a small glare to the wolf, expecting an explanation. A weak answer of ‘’I smell so much blood, oh god i've never smelt this much before even when I hunted during wolf form or when I myself got hurt. There's also a disgusting smell that I can't quite place but it's definitely not good'’ Sirius now tensed up too only being able to smell a faint scent versus the creature. 

‘’Fuck’’ Snape muttered under his breath knowing that whatever they were going to find wont be good.

Without wasting another second the men walked up to the door and took their hands out, making sure they were hidden from view if any onlookers looked. Snape being the only intelligent person there didn't bother to knock or chat, a swift alohomora had the front door unlocking as they walked in. They were immediately hit by a putrid smell with added iron that had all the men almost gagging, with Remus and Sirius actually gagging with their enhanced smell. The Dursleys were out somewhere it seemed like, perfect for them. In silent communication, Shacklebolt took the upstairs to investigate, Snape took off into the living room while Sirius and Remus decided to check out the smell. Every one of them took it slow, wands raised in case of danger. Without a doubt, the smell was coming from the cupboard the two thought. Remus took hold of the handle while shooting Sirius a look of confirmation. He was going to open the door and Sirius was going to be the offence if needed. Taking a deep breath scared out of his mind, Sirius nodded with as much courage as he could. His wand pointed ahead. The pit in their stomachs had dug a hole deep enough to reach hell by this point, making them very uneasy. 

The cupboard door was finally opened for the first time in a week. 

If it wasn't for the very dead body of his godson on the floor he might have actually been affected by the horrid smell that violently washed out. Regardless of the proper light in the cupboard, Sirius could still perfectly see his precious godson laying face first on the ground, his ashy boney body littered in bruises of all shapes and colours, the decomposing process wasn't helping the colour either, lacerations and scars in no places someone let alone a kid should have, old dry blood everywhere and not only on Harry but smeared all over from past years. Bile rose up in his mouth so fast, he had to clamp his hand to his mouth before he went so very still. Blood turned to ice, mind blanking all he could do was blink. It hurt, fuck the pain in his heart so godamn much, it was something new altogether. It's tearing at his soul with how wrong it feels. A gut wrenching sob left him as he fell to his knees, his wand long forgotten on the ground. The sound of sorrow alerted everyone. Snape and Shackbolt hurried to the hallway while Remus came out from beyond the door to see what was wrong. His lover on the ground sobbing and hyperventilating was not something he was expecting. Looking over Sirius’s head his own heart stopped at the sight, understanding what that putrid smell was flooded through him making everything hurt so much more. Overwhelmed by the sight, Remus took a few steps back and turned around as he puked what little he had in him. Tears mixed into the mixture as well. His wolf howled at him to turn around and pick up his cub to cradle him and to confirm that he isn't what they think. His precious cub couldn't be dead, he was fine, he’s just passed out, he’ll be fine. Snape will say he’ll totally live and he'll wake up. Everyone will help him get better, shower him in the love he deserves and all be happy. Pictures of Harry smiling and them being together flashed through his mind, making his heart clench.

‘’Black! What in merlin name has you….’’ Snape trailed off as he arrived, pushing the pale shaking black aside and now seeing the lifeless body for himself. Not being able to hold back, he took in a sharp intake of breath. He has seen dead body’s more than enough times, it never once stirred a reaction from him, but that of a child, in his own home under the stairs in a small cupboard from being beaten to death by a family member? Healer instincts kicking in, he gets down on his knees in the doorway of the cupboard and casts diagnostic spells on the boy while assessing him. Shackbolt had arrived seconds after Snape and was now taking in the cupboard. Deep down Snape already realized the boy's fate, the lack of moving chest, the smell added with the small subtle decomposing processes the boy is showing, it's too late, They're too late. A sharp pain shot through Snape, guilt rising faster than ever into a tsunami. How long has the boy sat here dead? It must have been at least a week, the boy had just sent a letter 10 days ago for the last due date. A grimace was made at this thought, no one deserved such a fate. To die alone, so scared and in pain. Snape lowered his wand and stood back up when his spell confirmed his thoughts. Sirius, still on his knees, took shaky steps towards his godson in the cupboard. Reluctant to touch the boy, his hands shook just over his body. He desperately wanted to just hold his godson to his chest, running his hands in his hair to comfort him. Shock, that what everyone was in, more so Sirius and Remus.

Snape took to talking to Shackbolt about the next game plan while giving the two men some time to weep. Remus still stood in the corner, his head against the wall, body racking with sobs, his wolf howling in despair. Sirius has taken to curling up in a ball on the floor with loud, heart breaking cries. Murmured conversation and shakes of heads indicated that Snape and Shackbolt had finished discussing. Both looking even more solemn than before. Small tears gathered in their eyes as well.

Slowly, Shackbolt approached Black in the cupboard and managed to get the man coherent enough to sit up so he could gently drag the man towards Remus. Snape once again sat next to the body in the cupboard and slowly brushed a hand through Harry's greasy matted hair, the only sign of gentle fairness he's ever shown the boy. It was also the last act that would be shown, one that was too late to even be known and felt by the boy. Something that the man deeply regretted and will for the rest of his life. During his staring, Snape took note of the impossible small tug of the lips. Something he would have not have caught if he wasn’t a spy against the dark lord. _A smile huh…_ Thinking that brought a similar upwards tug of his lips in a small smile filled with sorrowful serenity. _At least the poor boy left happy and painless in his last seconds._ Referring to the broken spine and paralysis he found during the diagnostic spells. Snape took gentle hold of the boys arm while Shackbolt took hold of both Remus and Sirius’s arms as well. 

‘’Ready?’’ Shackbolt whispered. A nod from the dark haired man and they were being wrapped away.

While Snape had apparated Harry and himself into Harry’s room, floating the boy over to his bed, Shackbolt had appeared in the living room with both sobbing men. The big CRACK signalled everyone of their return. All was good until they heard the gut wrenching cries, panic settling in everyone. Rushing into the living room, they were met with a sight that broke their hearts. Remus had taken to clinging to Sirius as they both cried into each other slightly rocking back and forth. 

‘’What happened? Where’s Harry? Is he okay?’’ Tonks quickly asked, the name making both men on the floor break down harder. Shackbolt didn’t quite know how to deal with the situation, the look on his face made everyone aware that it wasn't good but he took a few seconds to try and find a way to handle this. Using his Auror training protocol when asked how a mission went as the only option, he declared ‘’The mission was a success in a way, we were able to locate and secure the boy…’’ 

‘’But?’’ Tonks warily asked, she knew the possibility of what happened. Anyone would be a fool not to with how the 2 men were on the floor crying, the lack of presence from the boy and from her experience as an Auror. Shackbolt looked away, keeping his gaze anywhere but the people in the room. It was only when Snape came tracing on the living room did the news come out.

‘’ Unfortunately Black and Lupin we’re right. We found the boy dead in his cupboard. Long dead might I add therefore there was no way of saving him’’ he told them without the snark his tone usually held.

Collective gasps followed by shouts of protest and tears. Molly broke down crying, taking a seat on the couch so she did not fall, Tonks hair changed to a dark blue as she clutched her wand in her hand looking guilty, tears welling up in her eyes. Both Arthur and Dumbledoor were too furious to break down like the rest yet still had pained looks etched on their faces.. 

‘’You’re lying, he can’t be dead! He’s just a boy!’’ Arthur denied vehimily.

‘’I am also finding it hard to believe my boy, if what you say is true then where is the boy now?’’ Dumbledore inquired.

Snape sneered at the old man, didn’t the man have wards and tabs on the boy that indicates when something is wrong? It has to be a lie, now that he understood that Harry’s supposed ‘’prince life’’ was a lie as well so it didn't surprise him. It angered him even more that the old fool lied and couldn't even do his job as the boy's magical guardian. Does he not see how the wolf and mutt were right when they brought up the abuse or does he simply not care? Eyes full of anger, he snapped back at the fool. 

‘’His BODY is upstairs laying on his bed. Do you really doubt me and an Auror no less? What a delusional fool you are Albus’’

‘’ I-it's-true, h-harr-ry is d-d-dead’’ Sirius finally spoke up with great effort. Everyone's eyes looked at him. His voice was hoarse and shaky. He slowly pulled away from his lover but still kept contact. Looking down at his shaking hands on his knees, he continued ‘’ W-we uh, we got there a-and Remus and I could smell something so disgusting with so much b-blood, We all opened the l-locked door and entered. The Dursleys seemed to be a-away so we split up. Shackbolt took the upstairs, Snape took the living room while Remus and I w-went after the s-smell. It led us to the cupboard under the stairs a few steps from the front door. R-r-remus o-open-ned the door a-and...a-and...’’ A sob erupted from the man's throat. Sirius grabbed hold of his hair and harshly pulled as he sobbed. 

He couldn't say it, having to replay the moment he found his bloodied broken and dead godson in a cupboard that he was forced to call home was already too much. _He must have sat there dead for how long? All while we were perfectly safe at Grimmauld, having full meals and fun with everyone. Living without a worry all while he was suffering and died alone only to be forgotten by us. Oh merlin he was probably so scared and I wasn't there for him._ He couldn't say it out loud, he just wanted to change into his animagus form and run away. Hopefully get killed or even taken away by a dementor, anything was better than remembering that moment. Anything was better than dealing with this pain. His godson was one of the only 2 things he had left in life, not to mention how he failed his cub and his friend James even more. _I shouldn’t have run after the rat bastard, I should have pulled my shit together, maybe then I would have been able to save Harry. His cub would be alive and wouldn’t have suffered his whole life all alone and suffering. He would have been able to live a happy life, one without having to worry when the next hit or insult was going to come, when the next meal was or if his next breath was going to be his last one every moment of his life. What a godfather I am._

‘’And that is when they found the boy’s body. Snape and I heard a call of distress and rushed over. Severus ran diagnostic spells while I took in the scene and looked over for more evidence.’’ Shackbolt finished for him.

‘’Oh m-my poor dear, come here’’ Molly cried out as she took Sirius in a big hug, who gladly accepted and hugged her back, hushing him as they both silently cried.

‘’D-days! Harry must have been in there for days with his condition and that smell!! Oh merlin that's why it smelt so bad, he was _rotting_ ’’ Remus blanched at the realization. Utterly repulsed he could do nothing but breakdown again. Nausea took old of every soul in that room hearing what the werewolf said.

Still semi-shrouded in denial, Arthur and Dumbledoor reluctantly start accepting the situation. They know that there's no delusion going on, Harry was dead and it was their fault. Tonks moved over and put a comforting hand on Arthur's shoulder as he took it all in. Dumbledore had a look of great sadness. Indeed the boy was a big tool in this war for defeating Voldemort, his own matyr but he still cared deeply for the boy as a person. He never wished this life upon the boy, never in a million years would he agree with making a child go through that. Even so, nothing could be changed therefore he tried his best in training the boy, helping him in his path as a hero. Guiding him through life with advice and teachings, expecting him to accept his role for the greater good without a second thought.

But that is where he was wrong. Albus Dumbledore, along with everyone else foolishly believed that Harry cared for the world, let alone enough to save it. A fact that may or may not have changed throughout his childhood. Something no one will ever know because the past has already happened, his parents died and he was abused growing up. No wishful thinking that the sweet kind Harry would never believe or think that way if it wasn't for what he's been through. Harry never believed in doing things for others when they could help themselves. People expected help to be freely given with enthusiasm and he hated it. Call him bitter but nothing would have ever changed that, not his relatives, friends nothing.

After a good hour of distress and coming to terms, Snape grudgingly agreed to let the Order see Harry’s body but only for a minute and nothing more. It was a great deal of disrespect to put his body on display for people to ogle at. Especially in that state, the sheer humiliation of someone figuring out about your abuse to proceedingly have them stare down at your body even in death. As a victim of abuse as well, he would never in his life subject that fate to someone if he could help it. No matter if he hated the person enough, even if Voldemort was in this situation he would keep that respect. A respect all victims share for one another as a pact.

The only people who went to see Harry alone were Sirius and Remus. Snape respectfully left them alone during each of their separate times and gave them a small amount of time more as they were the closest things Harry had to family. Each man had sat beside the bed on their knees mourning for Harry. They took in every detail of their cub and godson as he lay there unmoving on his bed. Every inch of skin that their eyes looked over, they simultaneously vowed for revenge and sunk deeper in their despair filled guilt. When they reached the boy’s arms it was a breaking point for them. Glittering white scars littered them unlike the ones everywhere else on his body. These ones were obvious, Harry had done those ones himself. 

All the others went together with Snape in the corner watching over them to make sure they didn't touch Harry. Fresh violent tears came from everyone but Dumbledore at seeing the body of bones and blood. Hearing about his state was one thing but to see it for oneself was on another level. Thankfully Snape made sure to put a modified preservation spell on Harry’s body, the smell alone would have been enough to bring tears to their eyes. Only Shackbolt and somewhat Tonks took to looking at Harry for more than a few seconds as they were Aurors and still had a job to do. Hence they were the only few to also catch on to Harry’s addiction. Snape had also caught them in his scan earlier and expected them from what Harry had gone through. Some of his snakes had leaned onto self-harm to cope as well. 

Dumbledore retreated into his office to grieve and send out letters to Mcgonagall, the rest of the Weasleys and Hermoine concerning the bad news. Snape hesitantly stayed at Grimmauld after much debate but ultimately stayed to look out after Harry. As the day went on, night slowly came without any notice from anyone. That night and without a doubt the next few were quiet and eerie. Everyone took the time to cry, to mourn, to support each other and to collect their thoughts. No one dared to think about the future or what was to come with the war or Harry’s body. 

Thoughts of how they could have helped, how they could have done better, how they could have just _paid attention_ for once in their lives. A small little act could have saved Harry’s suffering. An act from anyone, a student, a teacher, a friend, a stranger, an adult, a death eater. But when has anyone ever cared for anyone but themselves? To take the time to help someone in need and take responsibility? To be cowardly enough to blindly push a whole war on a single child without any guidance or help? Certainly not the wizarding world so it was Harry Potter who had suffered for it. A child who unjustly suffered even in death for a world in which he hated. A boy who took peace in his death as if greeting an old friend.

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact: Harry dying was actually supposed to be the ALT END but I loved this ending SOOO much better. It totally also wasn't because I'm an impatient bitch that wanted to get smt out and this was the chapter I started writing first. I also wasn't even going to mention the war or light/grey/dark harry but while I was writing I got too into it and my love for dark harry came out lmao.


End file.
